Sunday, May 29, 2011

It may be a world of illusion. But its my world.

When we fall down.. we fall flat on our faces. Inevitably, it will always happen throughout our journeys, but we do always learn from those experiences. Throughout my journey so far, I have experienced some all time highs, and definitely the lowest of low. Some things may have come and happened faster than what I imagined, but the groundwork within my self and soul through the process- is priceless. The past two years have been a whirlwind. Moving, learning, dreaming, and independence were on my agenda. And I am actually pretty damn proud of what I have managed to accomplish. I always seem to think I have it all together, and then my internal clock tries (and sometimes) leads the way. I think one of the hardest things that we as individuals fight with daily, is what the mind wants- and what the heart wants. Everyone has program in their mind, of what it is that they want or think they "should" be doing. Most of the time, it is driven from outside forces, or just our society in general. For a few months I have hit this wall of uncertainty. And I have let that wall depict what I think my future holds or "should" be. It has taken so much out of me, to realizing that I was on the right path all along. Sure the bumps on it haven't been fun, but the high points of my career have given me SO much more than the little falls here and there. Kelly Cutrone is probably my biggest mentor for me. In the past I read her book "If You Have To Cry, Go Outside", and was enlightened. Well.. I thought it deserved another read.. In my situation with myself, a chapter stuck out more than others. Here goes..

If you allow fear to live inside you after you've already put it to any possible good use- if you allow your mind, instead of your soul, to drive your car- you risk more than just finding yourself on a hamster wheel. You also increase the possibility that you'll manifest that fear and negative thinking outwardly. pg. 90

I believe that the universe constantly rearranges itself to support your idea of reality. If you're always thinking, "life sucks, and I suck", you're definitely going to see alot of dismal shit out there. On the other hand, if you idea of reality is that your a privileged elegant human being, then eventually you'll become a privileged elegant human being. It may take five minutes or it may take five years, but that will become your experience yourself. Fighting tyranny of your mind and freeing yourself to enjoy the journey, stumbles and all, is a lifelong process. Pg. 91

So this is my point exactly.. and I feel silly not coming to this revelation already, but this is how we all need to start seeing the world and life. 

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