Thursday, October 25, 2012

I am still in love with that place...

I think my mind needs to slow down. All of a sudden I feel this tremendous amount of anxiety about my career and life and I am trying to figure out how to deal. Yesterday, a nice big ass cup of reality hit me... and I think for the first time I realized that I am no longer part of the Toronto bubble anymore. I haven't felt that much weight pressed against me in such a long time. It's hard, because on one hand I am so incredibly thankful for the balance of family and friends that I've been longing to have again, but on the other hand, I am beyond displaced in this city. I'm not quite sure yet what my duty is, and I hate not knowing. The past two years have been mapped out by me, and I've always been able to see what lies ahead, and know what opportunities to grasp with both hands. Whereas here, I don't exactly know what or which route to take? Not to mention, but there is much limited opportunities here, than anywhere else. Am I stubborn? Of course! And maybe I need to realize or change my thinking, so that I stop comparing everything to a city that Calgary may not ever be? Or! Maybe I just don't choose to settle, and do things my way. Meaning, I start my own business, and bring what I've learned in Toronto to Calgary. I know I need to enjoy the process and trust, but I like things done in "snaps", and maybe that is my lesson right there? I once was always on my own, and my independence was my key to success. Toronto gave me the wisdom to know what the real world is really all about, how to be alone, and make it on your own. Calling your own shots is one of the most liberating things you can possibly do in life. No fear- just moving forward, not giving a shit what anybody thinks. Doing what you have to do, always. I think the hard part for me now, is understanding why it happened, and letting it go or allowing it to be my roots.